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Everything hurts right now because you felt something real. Because this relationship or this fling or this experience was more than physical for you. Heartache is not something you have to rush yourself to get over. It might be easier to go through life being closed off to love. It might be safer and it might be painless. It might be less complicated. But it will certainly be more boring. More colorless.
More lifeless. And a whole lot more empty. Settling is a lot safer and much less painful than ending a relationship. The deeper that the love is, the deeper the pain will be. Be thankful for it, remember how it made you feel, and acknowledge that you are capable of falling deeply in love again.
The numbness will set in, to help you, to protect you. But do not let this numbness overtake you. Do not let it shield you from risk and vulnerability.
Because without risk and vulnerability, you cannot fall in love. They will be happy, but they will never have loss to compare it to.
They will have no idea about the power of the happiness that they hold in their hand. Getting your heartbroken is scary. Getting dumped is scary. Getting rejected is scary. But nothing is scarier than the knowledge that you could have had great love and you chose the absence of pain instead.
You will have moments where you sob on the floor in your bedroom. Moments where your outward appearance looks calm and collected but your insides are crumbling. Every day you will feel differently and react differently than the day before. Just let yourself be, let yourself feel, and let yourself heal. It has become the fear of being hurt and alone. Clinging to love will be a lot more painful in the long run, and sometimes, you just have to know when to let go. Your pain is just as real, just as strong, just as true. But at What to say to someone who has a broken heart point, in order to live and have experiences and open your heart up to new love, you have to acknowledge that the person you love does not feel the same way.
It will suck. But with enough time, and with the right person who reciprocates your feelings, you will start to view that heartache as less of a shattered piece of glass and more of a fuzzy image that you can no longer make out as clearly.
A broken heart will lead you to thoughts and realizations and recognitions you would have never had otherwise. It gives you new wisdom and new understanding, new experience and new resolve. It takes time to get to this point, because you have to go through the ugly part first, but you will get there. You will. When your heart has been broken, things taste different. People sound different. The world looks different. You are not alone in this. Thousands — millions — of other people have felt these things too. These brutal reminders that your life is different now, that you are on your own again.
But you will get past it, and you will find happiness again. Because they did. And the next time around, your heart will surprise you with how much it can expand. Love means giving up your control. You can control yourself and your thoughts and your actions, but you can never control the person you love. You cannot choose how much or how little they love you. You cannot prevent them from leaving you. Love forces you to abandon all routine and organization in your life, and give way to feelings and adrenaline and things that make you feel real and alive.
Love and pain go hand in hand. You cannot have one without the other. Either the love ends and you experience deep pain, or the love continues and you experience the lifelong pain of constant fear and worry over what you would do if you ever lost them. You therefore have the choice to view yourself as a prisoner of love, or as someone who was or is lucky enough to feel so much for one person that it actually hurts.
The more hurt and suffering that you experience, the more you will treat your next love with as much gentleness and care and respect and tenderness that you can give. Learn from this experience, let your heart get even larger than it was before, and never let your heartache take you.
Take your heartachebecause you are more powerful than you think.
Your mind and your heart are different. Your heart will not simply stop loving someone just because your mind tells it to. You may unsubscribe at any time. Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about. By Kim Quindlen Updated March 30, Get the best of Thought Catalog in your inbox.
About the author I'm a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay. More From Thought Catalog. Get our newsletter every Friday! You're in! See you Friday. Follow Thought Catalog.What to say to someone who has a broken heart
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(Exactly) What to Say to Someone Who Broke Your Heart